Conflict of Interest

So the thing is, this isn't my only outlet.

For about the past semester I've been carrying around one of those green composition books you can get from any drugstore or supermarket.  I've been splitting what I write between here and there.  And honestly, most of it's going there.  That's partially due to convenience, partially due to an extreme shyness and the resulting hesitation to be open about anything.

But here's something to make up for it.

I've been back in Louisiana for only about a week now, but
But I don't know.
I feel weird being here.  It's kind of like when I'm back where I normally live and I'm the only one with a day off.  A lot of my day to day existence circulates around interactions with other people, and I'm used to fitting alone time into small, spread out spaces.  So when everything comes in chunks, I end up with hours of the day passing while I sit there feeling like I should be doing something else.

Part of me wants to stay because I don't want to feel that way.  I feel guilty about a feeling, so I try to change why I had it in the first place.  It's not just that though.  It's not too hard to see how different things are around here, and sometimes it's pretty nice just to experience something out of the usual.  There's also people around here I like to see and all that.

And even before I came here, I started getting uneasy about social situations.  I felt like I couldn't read people anymore and didn't know how to respond to anything.  That made all sorts of interactions incredibly difficult.

I'm kind of rambling.  Thinking about this earlier, I'd even come up with a dramatic finish, but it doesn't seem like it will really fit now.