I am ruled by opposites.
I feel like a negative representation of a person--like when you invert the colors on a picture.
I hold beliefs that I don't want so that I may be convinced that they are wrong. Determinism is a great example of that. I don't want to believe it, but its just too convincing at the moment.
And in my introspective-outrospective moments I more often think about what image I don't want to portray than what I actually want to be.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Things aren't always bad
I realized that I'm kind of negative here, but that's mostly because this is where I come to rant. But I want to express the good parts of life too.
For about a week or two my boyfriend and I were kind of in a slump--always tired, stressed, and feeling pressed for time. We weren't taking the time to really do things right. And this lead to boredom. We kept going through the motions, but not really getting into anything.
Let's take sex as an example. I'm pretty needy in that department--two times a day is best--and that takes up a lot of time. But he was getting bored and I was getting annoyed. More sex wasn't helping, they just ended up being rushed episodes to get it out of the way so we could sleep. No sex wasn't helping because I'd end up feeling frustrated at everything. We didn't have any time to do anything and what time we had together we kept messing up for each other.
Then I had too much and said we needed to talk.
After dropping that bomb, I left to go to work, with the intention that my thoughts would stew and I would be able to express myself clearly later that night. That didn't happen. He texted me instead and that started a really honest conversation that spelled out what each of us were going through. We continued later that night and everything worked out so well that for the next two days I felt unnaturally happy.
It was amazing to get all those pent up negative feelings off our chests and to have someone listen without freaking out or getting overly upset. It was also good to see an end. When I'm in a funk, it is hard to ever see the end. But knowing that stuff like this happens, I have hope for all of the time.
For about a week or two my boyfriend and I were kind of in a slump--always tired, stressed, and feeling pressed for time. We weren't taking the time to really do things right. And this lead to boredom. We kept going through the motions, but not really getting into anything.
Let's take sex as an example. I'm pretty needy in that department--two times a day is best--and that takes up a lot of time. But he was getting bored and I was getting annoyed. More sex wasn't helping, they just ended up being rushed episodes to get it out of the way so we could sleep. No sex wasn't helping because I'd end up feeling frustrated at everything. We didn't have any time to do anything and what time we had together we kept messing up for each other.
Then I had too much and said we needed to talk.
After dropping that bomb, I left to go to work, with the intention that my thoughts would stew and I would be able to express myself clearly later that night. That didn't happen. He texted me instead and that started a really honest conversation that spelled out what each of us were going through. We continued later that night and everything worked out so well that for the next two days I felt unnaturally happy.
It was amazing to get all those pent up negative feelings off our chests and to have someone listen without freaking out or getting overly upset. It was also good to see an end. When I'm in a funk, it is hard to ever see the end. But knowing that stuff like this happens, I have hope for all of the time.
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