Turn to the left

I know this is going to seem shallow compared to that last post, but it's part of me too.

Recently I've been paying more attention to clothes and fashion and makeup.  Things that never interested me before.  I grew up a tom-boy, and spent puberty with my dad.  And because I was smaller than my younger sister, many of my things were hand-me-downs.  Only recently, have I had clothes that fit me right.  And I have to say it's kind of nice.  But moving away from that bliss of not caring what I look like to wanting to look like me has made me feel so awkward.  I feel too shy to wear cute things because I never did before.  And there are things I'll see at the store that I like but I know I'll never wear because I would feel too weird.  It's almost like I've created a character for myself and all my clothes have to follow that.  That's silly, I know, but it's hard to not follow it. 

A good thing that has come from this is a reevaluation of my wardrobe.  Sometimes when I'm feeling creative I'll try to pair random things in my closet to see how they work together.  Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.  But either way it makes me feel good to know that I can find ways to incorporate different elements into an outfit so that I can wear something without feeling too wrong about it.  A lot of times its really simple, but I like how it comes out.

Rosario Castellanos

I'm currently taking a Spanish Literature class called "South American Literature since Post Modernism" and when I signed up for it I didn't know what I was getting in to.  I've taken more than one lit class, but they've mostly been in French, and we barely made it past WWII.  For the first time in a while (in a lit class) I was a little lost.

But it's turning out to be awesome.  I've discovering a whole new world and new ways of thinking.  (One thing that I love most about literature is the philosophy behind the movements.  And I can't even decide which one I like the most.  For a while it was the Enlightenment, but then I started learning about the Romantics and after that resurged my love of Poe and came my discovery of Baudelaire and then how his way of thinking influenced the modernist movement and how everything comes from everything else.  I just get overwhelmed with the awesomeness of literary evolution that I can't even write a proper sentence.)

I feel so inspired everyday I walk out of that class.  And I never gripe about doing the readings.  Sometimes it even makes me want to write myself.  The modernists inspired poetry in me, and I plan to start working on that soon.  I've also grown the desire to become a cosmopolita ensayista and write about the world.

And today we talked about Rosario Castellanos.  I've always been a bit weary about feminist literature because most of what I've been exposed to was stereotypes about the feminazi and that just wasn't appealing to me.  It's true that I had read some works in high school that stuck out to me, but I never moved on past those.  The two that have stayed with me are "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin and and essay "I Want a Wife" by Judy Brady (Syfers).  Both left an impression on me, and I enjoyed both very much.  I like sad, dramatic, meaningful endings and irony.  They're different from one another but share the same feminist message.  Rosario Castellanos was very similar to both of them.  She has a sharp irony that doesn't hide her meaning.  And one thing I thought about today was the fact that feminist writers have to be extremely talented.  Their message and ideology rely on the fact that women are just as good as men (sometimes better) and to prove that they have to Be better than men.  To prove their worth as writers, they have to surpass their male peers in their shared craft.  They have to be extremely ironic, witty and knowledgeable to even be noticed, and this leads to the development of writers of extreme talent.

Right now I am majoring in French and Spanish.  I do plan on teaching abroad, but as far as continuing my studies goes, I've been considering delving into Comparative Literature.  Today's lecture made me start considering focusing on the feminist movements in both regions (the only problem is that I don't know a whole lot about France's feminist movements, so I'll have to get working on that).

I'm really grateful to be in school.  Sure there are dumb greedy burecratical issues, but there's so much knowledge to be gained I almost can't stand it.


Update from 5/21/13:

I've found myself returning to Latin American literature.  The spark came one night when M, S, R, and I were drinking in a park at night and two strangers approached.  One was a poet and loved to talk ideas.  We talked about the art of today--the poetry and break dancing, music and movement--and where it comes from.  It got me thinking in old veins.

A few days ago I was temporally stranded so I took shelter in the library nearby and checked out multiple books, one of which is  "Interviews with Latin American Writers" by Marie-Lise Gazarian Gautier.

The first interview is with Isabel Allende who recognizes that she comes "from a continent where women have had to make twice the effort to obtain half the recognition in any field" (21).  Especially when it comes to writing.  Writing handles Ideas and "[g]aining acceptance into the world of ideas has been the hardest task for women" (21). 

I think that this is a truth on more than her continent but it is one that has been surpassed to some extent.  Maybe surpassed is too strong a word then, because we haven't gotten rid of it completely.  Women are accepted in most fields, but still not quite seen as equals.  We still need to prove ourselves by out-doing everyone else. 

I would make a terrible Buddhist

It's not because of a tolerance issue or anything, it's just because I want too much.  I won't be happy if I spend my life at some job I don't love and never being able to accomplish what I want.
Maybe it's a good thing; I have drive.  But maybe not.

I want to...
Go to grad school for comparative literature, become an expert, and write books.
Travel the world and actually Live in the places I go to.
Teach English abroad.
Be passively successful (so as to avoid a crappy job).
Have skills, learn how to do everything that piques my interest.
Have an extensive library in whatever place I call home.
Never have to worry about money during my crazy adventures.

They seem impossible, but at the same time I'm hopeful.  I feel like if I work and hope hard enough, then I'll get there.

Wish me luck.

I just spent my Sunday walking through the forest in 3 inch heels

This past weekend was the opening weekend of Sherwood Forest.  Which is basically a smaller Renaissance Festival. And it was bad ass.

I made my own costume this time.  That was the first time I've ever done anything like that, and even though it wasn't very elaborate, I think it came out nicely. 

 

It was really simple.  I had an old green dress that I wore once as part of a Halloween costume that I'd never worn since.  That's what made my tank top and skirt.  I used eyelets and a shoelace to make the lace up the front of the tank.  They eyelets came from a craft store and cost less than $5, the shoelaces from the grocery store.  The belt came from Ross and the stockings are just generic stockings.

My favorite part is the boots.

 

I got them as a Christmas present recently.  They were kind of expensive, but I've been getting a lot of use out of them.  Though they are tall, they're not terribly uncomfortable, and they're basically my first pair of heels and I've been managing them perfectly.  They also work really well with jeans.  

I actually tried on some clothes while I was there too and there was one specific outfit that I liked a lot.

I really liked this one.  Especially the corset (they're so sexy!).  But the cheapest part of that outfit was $40, so I don't think I'll be getting it for a while.  But the good news is that it is made up of very simple components: two skirts, a shirt with an open front, and a corset.  I do already have a corset and some flowy skirts, so I tried to recreate it at home.  

 

To make it more interesting, I tucked up a part of the skirts into my waist.  It made it look more ruffly and brought out a nice color contrast.

The corset came from Charlotte Russe and was around $3 (hoo-ray for the discount rack!) 

The skirts were hand me downs from my mom, but they have been growing in popularity and I think I saw some at Forever 21 last time I was there

And the shirt was just a tight, low cut shirt I got from somewhere in France, H&M, I think.

It was a fair attempt at a reproduction, I think.  And because it was less extreme, it's something I could possibly were around (should I ever gather the courage to wear a skirt outside).